


Broken

by Dansedanserevolution



Series: August 2017 Fanfic Challenge [3]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, Sad, broken character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-11 19:25:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11720919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dansedanserevolution/pseuds/Dansedanserevolution
Summary: I wrote this as a companion piece to my Mason/F!SS fic 'What Did Jupiter See in Juno?' as well as one of the prompts for the August Fanfic Challenge I'm doing. The prompt was 'The bad thing that no one talks about'. In this case, being the SS's loss of her husband and son and just becoming a ghost of her former self.This is a glimpse into what led her to Nuka-World and being the way she is after the fall of the Institute.Hope you enjoy - nothing but sadness ahead D:





	Broken

The house was a skeleton. A husk of its former self.

No more bright wallpaper. No picture frames filled with loving faces staring back. No dull background noise of a newscast.

Only a crumbling carcass of her former life.

She couldn't breathe without the ghosts of her past looking over her shoulder.

 

She stared down at the man sleeping in the same spot her husband used to; blankets curled around his legs, bare torso rising and falling slowly. The longer she stood looking down at him, the more she thought he'd wake and ask her what she was doing in her traveling clothes. She resisted the urge to run her fingers down the muscled, rigid grooves once more. To trace the lines of his jaw and feel the bristles of his beard.

The blood pounded in her ears, in time with her heart. Her eyes closed and she turned away; committing the last sight of him to her memory.

She had already slipped the few trinkets that she couldn't before quietly in a knapsack, for he would've noticed before and questioned where her things had gone. It was too risky to pack them away until this moment.

Her footfalls were silent as the night as she took the two steps across the hall and peeked into the smaller room. An oil lantern burned low, casting flickering shadows around the room and onto the smooth-faced boy slumbering peacefully away. A twang of guilt thrummed through her as she looked upon his face for the last time, as well, abandoning the final thread of her old self.

She collected a few more things from the living room and set a white envelope on the kitchen counter before leaving through the side door. The dead earth made no noise as she made her way through the yard, past the ramshackle remains of the structure and down to the river, keeping her gaze forward.

 

She didn't encounter a soul as she followed the water; only stopping once at the sound of a twig snapping.

The night shrouded her as she circled around and crossed the river, using smooth stones to keep her feet from the water. Once at the top of the hill, she broke the promise she made to herself and looked back upon the sanctuary she helped build.

It was hard to control the bitterness rising up in her throat. Bitterness at the world and what it had taken from her.

Minutes ticked by; it growing harder to convince herself to turn away, that it wasn't too late. She could still go back, crawl into her bed, and pretend this never happened.

But she couldn't. This was the right thing to do. For everyone.

Just as she did with the man in her bed, she closed her eyes and turned around before opening them again, making her way to the abandoned ranger cabin.

 

The area was clear and quiet when she crouched down outside, pulling a large, brown cloth off of the pack she had stored there. It had remained untouched, appearing only to be a pile of earth underneath the wooden floorboards from passing eyes.

There was no wind this night. No noise to alert her of the other presence outside the cabin. But she still knew he was there.

"You losing your touch, Deacon?"

There was no sense staying silent anymore as the spy drew closer, letting the sounds of the woods crunch under his feet. "That stick set me up."

She stood and faced him, the clear moonlight streaming through the dead trees and painting their silhouettes with pale light.

It was dark, but he was still wearing sunglasses. Damn, she would miss him. "Where are you going?" His voice was low and raw. He tried to hide the desperation, but it leaked from him like a hole in a dam.

"This way is better." Her own voice betrayed her, as well; doubt and sadness lacing her words.

"Better for who? Danse? Shaun? You're leaving your family behind."

A heavy sigh left her, taking a long moment to steady her resolve.

"They don't need me. I'm a dark spot in their life. Everything will be better when I'm gone. For them. For me."

"You can't do this.."

"I've left Danse instructions for the Minutemen. And a goodbye. This has been coming for a while, Dee. This life I've been left with.. It's taken everything from me. I'm a shell of who I was.. just like that house. I can't live this haunted existence anymore. And I won't make Danse and Shaun live that way either."

"The Institute is gone. You can start over again."

"Can I?"

"Y-you love Danse." He was pleading, grasping at straws.

"I do. With all my heart. Can't you see that's why I'm doing this?"

"If you love someone, you fight. You try!"

She slowly closed the gap between them, pushing his sunglasses up onto his shaven head. His eyes shimmered, jaw trembling slightly. She pressed a warm kiss to his lips with several more small kisses after then exhaled deeply.  
"I'm glad I got to do that before I left."

"Juno.."

She silenced him with a tiny smile and the shake of her head, running her fingers across his eyebrows. Her eyes dropped and she turned with a sniffle, pacing back to pull her pack onto her back.

"You can't leave us behind."

"You're all suffocating underneath me."

"You're abandoning your son."

Her eyes turned dark as they met his, her fingers flexing at her sides, but her voice still stayed soft and sad. "My son is dead. My husband is dead. I watched them die. Watched them be taken from me. As much as I want to love that boy back there.. he's not my son. He won't age or grow up. He'll stay a little boy, watching the person he thinks is his mother wither away to dust. He may have my son's genes, but h-he isn't h-him." She pinched the bridge of her nose and pressed her fingers against her eyeslids, wiping them quickly. "I'm too broken to give Danse or Shaun anything. Deacon.. I have nothing left."

His eyes were moving between hers; mind working hard, trying to find a way to make her stay.

She cast him one last, long look. "Keep them safe." she whispered. "I'll miss you."

Quietly, carefully, she started a slow pace down the other side of the hill until she disappeared from Deacon's sight into the darkness.


End file.
